As some of you may know, I have been struggling with faith and doubts lately, especially regarding my upcoming trip. Throughout this whole process, I've struggled fairly consistently with doubting my capabilities in nearly every sense of -ly you can think of: physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, linguistically, etc. This past week, though, has been especially difficult because I started doubting my beliefs. I started doubting the reasons I believe what I believe, and I just felt as if I had been going through the motions of routine and expectations for a long time. I was fed up with just going to church and singing the same songs without any realness behind them, and I wanted to experience and worship God in everything I did. This is going to sound a little silly, but I felt like Pinocchio. I was a wooden puppet manipulated by the strings of expectations and pretentiousness, while all I wanted was to be a real girl, a real daughter of God who seeks him with a genuine and open heart. Even though I've been writing in past tense, I'm still struggling with those things, but the difference now is that I'm seeking God. Before, I was so confused and upset that I just wanted to ignore these doubts and avoid thinking about them, but now, thanks to some of my amazing friends, I am seeking the answers and diving into God's Word instead of running from my problems.
God has a way of reminding me of things I already know but have forgotten because of my selfishness and lack of faith. The reason this post is entitled "Grace" is because of the sermon preached at my church today. It was about how God uses broken, foolish people to accomplish great things and to show the world his greatness. Too often, we focus on the signs and great things and forget who they point to. This whole time I had been thinking how unprepared I am when it has never been about me in the first place. Jesus lacks nothing, so when I'm in his hand, I'm covered, no matter what insecurities or failures I have. So I leave you with this verse that God has so graciously humbled me with:
"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God--that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption." --1 Corinthians 1:26-30
It's not about me.
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Wow, thank you so much for posting this. You are not alone in these feelings, so many people are struggling with you (me included). I know God will do great things through you, and I will be praying for you the entire way.
ReplyDelete~Kyle
Thank you, Kyle! It really means a lot to me that you are reading, commenting, and praying!
ReplyDeleteThis excerpt really pricked my heart and awakened my mind to some of the same issues that I have been going through. I completely agree that God uses everyone to fulfill his will. Though, sometimes we are just to blind or immature in our relationship with him to see how.
ReplyDelete-David
Kim!!!
ReplyDeleteI´m so excited to read your blog while you´re in Peru... just up the road from me! It will be so awesome for you to jump into this sea of unknowns; the good news is that the less we know, the more room we have to learn more things!!! God will take that "unpreparedness" that you feel and use it to surprise you, to take your breath away, in short, to turn your world upside down. Your whole life has been preparation for this, just like this trip will be part of the preparation for OTHER things that are yet to come.
AAh i get sooo excited when people are going on adventures.... I hope you can write a lot so we can all live it with you!!!
Ok I typed a really long response and then lost it. So to summarize: I am actually encouraged that you have been feeling this way Kim. Satan will use every trick in his book, including making you doubt yourself and your faith, to keep you from accomplishing all the amazing things that God has for you. The fact that you were attacked like this so close to your trip tells me that he is absolutely terrified of the work that God is doing in you and through you. Cling to our Father, darling, and he will not let you go. Never underestimate what Satan will do to stop you, but be encouraged by adversity. It means that you are on the right track and someone wants you to stop you dead in your tracks. You have nothing to fear, if God is for you, who can be against you. It is clear that no matter what happens on this trip, God will be using you and working in you in mighty and powerful ways!!!
ReplyDeleteps cheersdarlin is Laura M. sorry :/
ReplyDeleteKimberly, can't wait to read some news! Wishing you a wonderful first full day in Lima and many wonder-full days to follow on your journy/adventure in Peru. God bless and keep you and prepare your paths ahead...Dad and I miss and love you BIG!
ReplyDeleteOkay, because I know it will bother you and it bothers me...journey :) teach me to preview before posting but you know mom and this stuff. All our love darlin'
ReplyDelete